A special thanks to Megan Underwood and Stephanie Davis of skirt! Atlanta for inviting me to the 2nd annual anniversary party for the magazine. I love the message and the beauty of skirt!, a free monthly magazine available in print in Charleston, SC; Atlanta, GA; Augusta, GA; Charlotte, NC; Savannah, GA; Jacksonville, FL.; Columbia, SC; Knoxville, TN; Memphis, TN; Richmond, VA; Houston, TX;  Boston, MA; Lexington, KY; Winston Salem, MA, Ventura/Santa Barbara, CA; Tampa Bay, FL. Not only will you love reading it, you’ll want to frame it!

The party was very “Sex And The City” — held on the rooftop of Atlanta’s MidCity Lofts, trés chic ladies (and their gentlemen friends) sipped pink drinks by the pool and hobnobbed with all sorts of interesting and talented people. I did remark on an absence of big girls at the party - I don’t know if that says something about skirt!’s audience or shyness on the part of curvier girls.

I was invited as a member of a great organization, Ladies Who Launch, an international organization with local “incubators” that offers in-person events and an online social network to support entrepreneurship as a lifestyle for women. Without the support of the lovely ladies in my incubator group I would have never gotten this blog out of my head and onto the Web. I highly recommend them if you want support in launching your dream, be it for business or otherwise.

Thanks, also, to Kyle at Multi-Tasking Woman for adding our picture to her news page.

Just wanted to share.

I had a great time tonight speaking to Dr. Anne Rosenthal’s class in Gender Communications at Oglethorpe University (Atlanta, GA) about body image as it relates to gender issues. There were many thoughtful and provocative comments, and I’m looking forward to hearing more from these students and anyone else interested in the topic.

We discussed many subjects, but one that we kept returning to was the notion of the “male gaze.” Here’s an excerpt from some research that I did on the topic in 2003 that is, to me, my personal experience with gender and the media portrayal of body image:

[The current media standard of beauty's] connection to the idea of feminine perfection is directly linked to Laura Mulvey’s “male gaze” [Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema]. Mulvey describes two sides of scopophilia, “circumstances in which looking itself is a source of pleasure” and “pleasure in being looked at” (835). These two sides have been split into the male/active viewer and the female/passive image. According to Mulvey, filmic images encode female erotic and sensual appeal as a function of a woman’s “to-be-looked-at-ness.” In other words, to be feminine is to be looked at, with sexual desire, by a man. And what constitutes “to-be-looked-at-ness” in modern Western media? [The media standard of the ideal female body].

Some researchers suggest that modern mass media, particularly the film industry, has begun to produce a female gaze in opposition to the male gaze. Thelma and Louise is often cited as an example of women using “the gaze.” However, I contend that turning the male gaze back on men is not the same as developing a counter female gaze. Women’s magazines, created by women for women, still use the male gaze to sell magazines—“[Women’s] magazines have a larger audience among women age 18 to 49 than do TV shows” (Wellner). [Wellner, Alison Stein. “The Female Persuasion.” American Demographics 24 (2002): 24-29.]

I look forward to your thoughts and ideas on the subject.

I have always loved April. My birthday is at the end of the month, Spring is in full swing–I like to think of April as my New Year, thus making me the perfect April Fool.

So, I’d like to thank Harriet Olivia over at Too Fat For Fashion (one of our favorite blogs) for the link to the article in Sunday’s The Independent on the size acceptance movement in the UK (Gotta love the title: We’re here. We’re fat. Get used to it.). There are so many wonderful curvy girls there doing wonderful curvy things–here are a few from the article:

Chloe Marshall, a size-16 Miss England contestant (How gorgeous is she?)

Plus, The Real Girl Band: a plus-size girl group with a new single out

Just As Beautiful: web-based plus-size magazine

Songstress Adele (pictured above): winner of the first ever Critic’s Choice Award at this year’s Brit Awards

Kate Dillon: the new face of Marina Rinaldi and my all-time favorite plus-size model

And, not mentioned, Beth Ditto with Mika on The Brit Awards.

I’ll have more details on each of these as the month progresses.

Here’s to kicking April off with a bang!

Tip # 16 may require a little rummaging:

Create your own photo therapy.

Find a picture(s) of yourself from some years ago that, at the time, caused you to flinch, but now, you can appreciate as your fresh, youthful self. Remember: you looked fine then, but you couldn’t appreciate it yet.

Then find a photo of yourself that you hate today and imagine how you will feel when you look at the picture 10, 20, 30+ years from now. The same will be true of this picture as is true of the older photo–you look fine now, you just can’t appreciate it yet.

This process may take a while to work–I’ve kept an “ugly” picture file for years, and only in the past few years have I really been able to truly believe in the beauty of current “ugly” pictures. But stick with it, and you can transform your relationship with the camera.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, Tip #14 is:

Be your own Valentine.

Valentine’s Day, at it’s heart (pun intended), is supposed to be about appreciation. Could your body use some appreciation? If you feel like sending your body flowers or candy, I’m sure it won’t complain; however, how about a nice love note? Here’s mine, feel free to copy:

Beloved body,

I know that I don’t always say it enough, but thank you for being my true partner is this world. Thanks for sticking with me thorough thick and thin (or thin and thick, as the case may be). I promise to shower you with love for as long as we are together.

Remember, I’ve got your back, because, baby, I know that you have mine.

XXOO!

Love Your Body Month Tip #12:

Make a personal beauties list.

Most of us have no problem listing our blemishes, but how many of us keep a list of our beauties? Sit down with pen and paper and give yourself a compliment: I have beautiful brown eyes, I have pretty hands. If you struggle to compliment yourself physically, start with your inner beauties: I am kind and loving, I’m a good listener. Try to come up with at least 5 compliments. Then, every day for the rest of the month, read your list and add at least one more compliment.

Let’s see if we can make our beauties list longer than our blemishes list.

Check in tomorrow for lucky Tip #13.

Love Your Body Tip #11:

Make friends with the mirror.

You can use the mirror to train your brain and your eye at the same time. Put a note on your mirror with a body love message, such as “I accept myself unconditionally right now,” or “I am beautiful inside and out.” Whenever you look in the mirror, look yourself directly in the eye and say your message. You’ll be amazed at how powerful the experience may be.

Well, we’re 11 days into Love Your Body Month. How are you doing? Do you have any tips of your own? Feel free to post a comment on your experience with Love Your Body Month so far.

Tip #10 comes from NEDA’s (National Eating Disorder Association) “Twenty Ways to Love Your Body!” If you’re feeling ambitious, check out the entire list; however, for a Sunday, this one is probably plenty :

Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. Surround yourself with people who remind you of your inner strength and beauty.

Be mindful of your body and and your environment. Feeling physically and emotionally at peace go a long way to making us more comfortable with our bodies.

See you tomorrow for Tip #11.

Love Your Body Tip - #8 is inspired by a quote by Dr. Christiane Northrup:

You are not the victim of your body.

She made this comment, not in connection with body image, but rather concerning physical illness. Whatever the condition of our bodies, the physical body itself is trying as hard as it can to maintain life. Illness is not our body attacking or abusing us–our body is our biggest most loyal defender. Imbalance may cause the systems of our bodies to behave in ways that are counter to our well-being, that in fact, may end our life; however, from the point of view of the body, it thinks that it is doing the best that it can.

So, when we feel the victim of our bodies, due to illness or to body composition, we are really feeling victimized by our one true life partner. And it becomes easy to return what seems to be abuse with abuse.

You are not the victim of your body.

You and your body are in this thing together, and you both deserve as much compassion as you can muster.

Body Love Tip#6:

Find yourself in art.

Standards of beauty change with time and place. When we are constantly exposed to just one standard of beauty, especially a standard which is becoming more homogenized every day, it is easy to forget that, in another time and place, today’s supermodels would be considered unexceptional.

One way to see the beauty standards of the past is through art. So jump in your way-back machine and visit the time and place where you would be a goddess. The picture above is Ruben’s “The Toilet of Venus” (Venus was the Roman goddess of love and beauty). Or, maybe you’re a Grace from Botticelli’s Primavera, one of Renoir’s Bathers series, Manet’s Olympia, Titian’s Venus Anadyomene.

Today is Mardi Gras, which is French for “Fat Tuesday.” So in honor of Fat Tuesday, Tip #5 is:

Celebrate your fat.

We’re so busy hating fat that we don’t even realize when we are celebrating it. Think you don’t celebrate fat? Well, do you wish you had Salma Hayek’s breasts? Beyonce’s booty? Angelina Jolie’s lips? Breast, booty, lips–all are shaped by fat. So, if we can celebrate the fat of others, then why not celebrate our own?

New Orleans Mardi Gras has a reputation as a wild, “anything goes” party. Let’s all get a little wild today and celebrate our luscious, voluptuous, yes, fat-filled curves.

(And, if you get a chance to wear an awesome outfit like Mardi Gras Gal’s, even better.)

Tip #4 comes from curvy activist Jessica Weiner:

“Fat is not a feeling.”

Pain, anger, joy, sadness–those are feelings, as in emotions. Yet, as women, we often comment, “Boy, I really feel fat today.” In her book, Do I Look Fat in This?, Jessica calls this the “The Language of Fat.” We use “feel fat” to describe uncomfortable feelings–insecurity, anger, disappointment, frustration–basically any negative emotion.

Next time you catch yourself saying, “I feel fat,” pause and ask:

“What exactly is the emotion that am I feeling?”

Name it honestly and you will feel a shift. This will allow you to determine what you really need in the moment, rather than simply bashing your body.

For more on “The Language of Fat,” including a guide to an “Extreme Language Makeover,”treat yourself to Jessica Weiner’s book Do I Look Fat in This: Life Doesn’t Begin Five Pounds from Now (look to the right for a link to Amazon). Also check out her website: www.jessicaweiner.com.

Body love Tip #3:

Do something nice for your body.

Get a massage, take a bubble bath, do your hair, get a mani-pedi, or do your own. Simply take your favorite lotion and give yourself a hand massage. Whatever activity you choose, focus your attention on the physical sensation and say:

“I do this [activity] because I love my body.”

Connect the pleasant feeling of treating your body well with love for your body. Your body will thank you.

See you tomorrow for Tip #4.

Tip #2 is inspired by NEDA (National Eating Disorders Association):

Your body is the vehicle to your dreams.

It is easy to look at the body as the sum of its parts: I hate my thighs, I like my eyes, I hate my chin, I like my hair. However, all the parts of the body (parts seen and unseen) function together in complex, extraordinary ways. Today, rather than mentally dividing your body into pieces, think of your body in its entirety. As you end your day express your gratitude to the wholeness of your body. Begin with the following:

“Thank you for carrying me through the day.”

You might find that other gratitudes to your body come to mind. Express as many as you can.

Check back tomorrow for Tip #3.

Love Your Body Month has finally arrived, and before we get to the first tip I want to let all of our Atlanta readers know about some great body love resources available locally. EDIN (Eating Disorders Information Network) is sponsoring an entire month of body positive events. Check out their schedule and see if any of their events resonate with you. I’ll be giving you updates throughout the month on specific EDIN events.

So, with that being said, here’s Tip #1:

Think of your body as a friend.

We often think and speak of our bodies in ways we would never use toward others, especially not with our friends. Throughout the day notice how you speak and act toward your body. If you find that you are less than kind in your body talk, take a moment and say (either silently or aloud):

“My body is my friend.”

You may not believe it yet, but practice saying it, and you’ll take an important step toward honoring your body.

Check back tomorrow for Tip #2.