Body love Tip #3:

Do something nice for your body.

Get a massage, take a bubble bath, do your hair, get a mani-pedi, or do your own. Simply take your favorite lotion and give yourself a hand massage. Whatever activity you choose, focus your attention on the physical sensation and say:

“I do this [activity] because I love my body.”

Connect the pleasant feeling of treating your body well with love for your body. Your body will thank you.

See you tomorrow for Tip #4.

If you have a great “Love Your Body”tip, let me know. All month long I’ll be including tips from Curvy Life friends.

Just select the “Comments” link to the left of each post to add your tips.

Tip #2 is inspired by NEDA (National Eating Disorders Association):

Your body is the vehicle to your dreams.

It is easy to look at the body as the sum of its parts: I hate my thighs, I like my eyes, I hate my chin, I like my hair. However, all the parts of the body (parts seen and unseen) function together in complex, extraordinary ways. Today, rather than mentally dividing your body into pieces, think of your body in its entirety. As you end your day express your gratitude to the wholeness of your body. Begin with the following:

“Thank you for carrying me through the day.”

You might find that other gratitudes to your body come to mind. Express as many as you can.

Check back tomorrow for Tip #3.

Love Your Body Month has finally arrived, and before we get to the first tip I want to let all of our Atlanta readers know about some great body love resources available locally. EDIN (Eating Disorders Information Network) is sponsoring an entire month of body positive events. Check out their schedule and see if any of their events resonate with you. I’ll be giving you updates throughout the month on specific EDIN events.

So, with that being said, here’s Tip #1:

Think of your body as a friend.

We often think and speak of our bodies in ways we would never use toward others, especially not with our friends. Throughout the day notice how you speak and act toward your body. If you find that you are less than kind in your body talk, take a moment and say (either silently or aloud):

“My body is my friend.”

You may not believe it yet, but practice saying it, and you’ll take an important step toward honoring your body.

Check back tomorrow for Tip #2.

The Curvy Life blog is a response to the constant barrage of unrealistic images of women on television, in movies, and in print. We are constantly being told that our bodies and our lives aren’t “good enough” and many of us suffer from the emotional pain of feeling outside the beauty norm (ab-norm as it is).

However, the Curvy Life is really for her:

That’s me at age 15, hating my body.

I had already been on a diet or two, and I remember the punch in the gut I felt when I looked at this photo–I hated my thighs, I thought my stomach was too poochy, and my knees were too dimply. From this point forward, I made it a mission to avoid having my picture taken.

It breaks my heart to look at this picture today. I look at that photo know and think– How cute was I? Young, slim, with creamy skin, beautiful in the way of youth (and I wish I could have those thighs back). I was athletic and smart and outgoing. Yet, at this moment in my life, I felt like a failure as a woman (and I was just starting out).

It took me many years to learn to appreciate my own beauty, and dare I say it, to love my body. It was a process, and I want to share that process here, so that no woman has to carry the heavy burden on her heart carried by that 15 year-old girl.

Here I am, all grown-up:

I still wince at the site of myself on film, but I don’t run from the camera anymore. And I know, that one day, I’ll look back in wonder at the beauty of my youth here, just like I do with my 15-year-old self.

So, what’s the mission?

The Curvy Mission

1. To promote positive body image and self-esteem, regardless of size
2. To advocate for size inclusion and diverse images of women
3. To educate women about images and messages aimed at us
4. To promote body love rather than body hate
5. To encourage whole body, mind, and spirit wellness
6. To rage against the self-loathing machine
7. To create a community of support

I’d love to hear your curvy story. Feel free to share your curvy struggles, your curvy triumphs, your curvy fears, your curvy dreams–your curvy life.

If you haven’t seen Joy Nash’s YouTube video, “Fat Rant,” it is well worth the 7 minutes it takes to watch. With over a million views since March 2007, “Fat Rant” has generated a lot of public discussion regarding fat women and self-esteem. The YouTube page for the video (as of 1/16/2008) has over 12,000 comments, Joy has been interviewed in the press numerous times, and she now has a “Fat Rant” blog (www.fatrant.com). I love Joy’s clever yet straightforward approach to issues surrounding fat life in a thin-obsessesed world; however, I am always surprised at the venom of those who feel it necessary to attack anyone who stands up and says, “I’m fat and I’m OK.” Why is positive body image and self-esteem in fat women so threatening?

See the video at YouTube or on Joy Nash’s blog, Fat Rant.

If you saw the show, let me know what you think. I was moved to tears by the journey to self-acceptance experienced by the first woman featured on the show.

If you haven’t seen the show, look for it on the Lifetime channel. It is replaying throughout the week. Or, if you don’t have Lifetime (or you just can’t wait), you can see the entire episode online at LifetimeTV.com. The show website has some interesting features–click here to view these. I particularly like the feature Where Do I Fit In? featuring the full spectrum of beautiful body types.

Check out my previous post for more on the program and for tips on how to feel good naked.

This is my New Year’s wish to everyone, and I’d like to thank Lifetime Television for helping make this wish come true. On Friday, January 4, (9pm ET), Lifetime premiers the new makeover show How To Look Good Naked.

The entire first episode of the series is available on the Lifetime website (click here for the link). I enjoyed the episode, but I was particularly impressed by the abundance of nearly-naked curvy girls on the show. Here’s a great opportunity to see “real” female bodies portrayed in a positive way on television.

The show is the American version of a successful UK show of the same title. The BBC version of the show has an extensive site, with lots of great curvy women and their stories. I love the article “The Six Stages of How to Look Good Naked.”

So, while the list refers to looking good naked, I say: be good to yourself this year, love who you are, and feel good naked!

The Six Stages of How To Look Good Naked

Stage 1: Face Your Fears
Take your clothes off in front of a mirror and have a long hard look at yourself
For many of our ladies, taking their clothes off in front of anyone had became a massive ordeal. Stripping off in front of a mirror and taking a good hard look at yourself in the first step to facing your fears and building up your confidence.

Stage 2: Change Your Self-Perception
You’re not as big as you think you are
The media bombard us all with unrealistic airbrushed images of women every day. These images of the stick thin, surgically enhanced women aren’t very realistic but these images portray women as beautiful and successful so it’s hard for normal women not to want to be like them. However, most normal women do not look like them so these pictures enforce feelings of negativity and encourage low self esteem.

So, the second stage of looking good naked is to start waking up to the way the media works and stop comparing these images to the way you look. Wake up to the fact that you actually look pretty OK, that you aren’t as big as you think you are AND look at all the women around you – I bet most of them are the same as you.

Stage 3: See Yourself As Others See You
Learn to take compliments and focus on the positive rather than the negative
The third stage is to start focusing on the positive rather than the negative aspects of your body. Do not dismiss compliments. Hold on to all the nice things people say and ignore anything negative that might come your way.

Stage 4: Work Your Body
Wear clothes that make you look and feel good
Your clothes can have a big impact on the way you feel about yourself. Wearing clothes that flatter your shape and emphasize the best bits of your body is the best way to feel and look good. Underwear is also key. Old grey underwear can only make you feel old and grey. Structured underwear will give you more shape with your clothes on. Sexy underwear will give you a boost when your clothes have to come off.

Stage 5: Respect Yourself
Look after yourself
Your lifestyle does matter and it does effect the way your look and feel about yourself. A good healthy lifestyle will pay dividends. You will feel better but the pay off is that you will look better too.

Stage 6: Beauty Cheats
Looking good naked
What ever your size and shape feeling confident is key to looking good – whether your clothes are on or off. So now you are feeling on top of the world it’s time to start taking advantage of all the beauty treatments and products out there. Follow these rules on a weekly basis and we guarantee you will look good in the buff:

So says Stacey London, in What Not To Wear, “Triple Thread.” The show features triplet sisters in need of style makeovers. As Stacey and Clinton watch the footage of these sisters discouraged and broken-down by the fit of clothes, Stacey declares:

“When will women learn to quit blaming their bodies and realize that the problem is in how the clothes are made? Clothes are like trains—if they don’t stop at your station, they’re not your train.”

Amen, Stacey ! Gloria Steinem put it yet another way;

“If the shoe doesn’t fit, must we change the foot?”

Our bodies aren’t the problem. Clothing manufacturers should be altering clothes to fit women’s bodies rather than women altering their bodies to fit clothes. However, the fashion industry doesn’t seem to care at all about fit and size as it relates to real women. There no such thing as a standard size, sizes vary within the same clothing line, and there is little allowance for shape and proportion differences.

This sad fact of modern fashion is the reason why the women featured on What Not To Wear, regardless of size, often find themselves frustrated in the quest to spend $5000 on a new wardrobe. Big or small, finding clothes that compliment their bodies takes may hours trying on clothes at many stores.

I cease to be amazed by the short-sightedness and downright arrogance of an industry that ignores the basic needs of its customers, leaving women feeling dissatisfied and demoralized by the shopping experience.

As fashion consumers, first, we must learn to disconnect from the power of the size tag and to value fit over size. Second, we must continue to voice our complaints over the failure of the fashion industry to serve the vast majority of us.

To see this episode of What Not To Wear, “Triple Thread”, click here and select “Full Episodes.”

Carnie Wilson appeared on the December 11, 2007 edition of The Today Show to promote her new Christmas album. But as usual, she spoke very openly about her up-down-experiences with weight and health since her very public gastric bypass surgery.

Since the birth of her daughter in 2005, Carnie has struggled to return to her post-surgery weight, even participating in Celebrity Fit Club Season 4. She gave two interviews on the show, on with Al Roker, and a follow-up chat with Hoda Kotbe and Natalie Morales. I feel that her personal philosophy is compelling:

“Women are already feeling the pressure with the scale, with the size of the pants,” she said. “I feel like, let’s forget the number. Let’s just get into a health zone that’s comfortable and good for you and not worry about the exact number. That’s what makes us crazy.”

‘Forget the number and focus on health’ is a key tenant of the Curvy Life mission. Carnie Wilson’s journey has led her to the same conclusion.

To view a video clip or to read a summary of Carnie’s interview, see The Today Show website.

To see both interviews, watch the video below:

Jennifer Love Hewitt is making news today by declaring “Size 2 is not fat” in response to photos (described as “unflattering”) making the rounds of the tabloids and the Internet. Paparrazzi photographed Hewitt in a bikini on her Hawaiian vacation, and sites such as TMZ.com are featuring a shot of her from behind.

Hewitt posted a scathing response on her blog, saying in part:

“I’ve sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women’s bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I’m not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image.

A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn’t make you beautiful.

What I should be doing is celebrating some of the best days of my life and my engagement to the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with photographers taking invasive pictures from bad angles. I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family. And like all women out there should, I love my body.

To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini — put it on and stay strong.”

It’s a sad day when someone feels compelled to assert that “Size 2 is not fat.”

Personally, I do not care what Jennifer Love Hewitt looks like from behind, and I am not a particular fan of tabloids (Internet or otherwise) but knowing that she is tiny, I decided to take a look at the “unflattering” photo. This is probably not the best picture she’s ever taken, but to me, this picture looks like a photo of a girl in a bikini. I guess my question is: What is she supposed to look like from behind? Her butt in a bikini looks like a butt in a bikini.

Then why the uproar? Why the attack on this young woman? The problem for Love-Hewitt comes from the fact that this is an unretouched photo, distorted by being taken at a distance with a telephoto lens. No one is going to look great under those circumstances. (If you’ve seen the notorious Tyra Banks beach photos, you know the style). Thanks to efforts such as the Dove “Campaign for Real Beauty” (see: the Dove film “Evolution”) we as media consumers are learning how much manipulation goes into creating the images that we see in ads and on the screen. I’m sure if Love-Hewitt’s photo had been run through standard magazine procedures, it would look stunning (whatever that’s supposed to look like).

However, even though we may mentally grasp the notion that media images are manipulated, this does not change the fact that our eyes become accustomed to these “created” images, so when we see a “normal” photograph, it seems lacking or even shocking. And when we compare our reflection in the mirror to the images that appear in print media, it is easy to feel deficient and lacking.

So, with digital cameras and programs such as “Photoshop,” average people now commonly retouch their own photos. And in the next logical step, Hewlett Packard advertises a list of cameras with “slimming features,” complete with before-and-after examples:

“They say cameras add ten pounds, but HP digital cameras can help reverse that effect. The slimming feature, available on select HP digital camera models, is a subtle effect that can instantly trim off pounds from the subjects in your photos.”

Other cameras have features to minimize facial lines or add a tan. CNET.com, in the article “Digital cameras focus on revised reality” describes this trend as follows:

“With new tools, average people can create their own ‘pictures that lie’ at the moment of capture, without any trace of the real image that was seen with the naked eye.”

“Pictures that lie” are the norm in print media–they may become the norm in every photo album in America; however, we need to remember that those types of photos may have ‘no trace of real images,’ and thus resist the urge to compare our “real” faces and “real” bodies (and our “real” photos, for that matter) to un-reality. We must train our eyes to recognize the difference.

I just saw Oprah’s latest weight loss show, “The Woman Who Lost 530 Pounds,” (11/28/2007) and I was particularly struck by two statements made by Bob Greene, Oprah’s diet/fitness expert.

Twice, Bob Greene said, “Women have to be perfect” to lose weight. The first time, he made the statement in relation to weight loss without an intense exercise program:

“If a woman is inactive, she has to be perfect with her eating. And who is perfect with their eating?”

The second time he used the expression, Greene was explaining why men seem to lose weight faster and easier than women (this quote is on Oprah.com):

“Bob explains that men tend to lose weight faster than women because of the hormonal advantage in the way testosterone acts on fat. ‘Women almost have to be perfect. A woman has to be active at least five to six days a week,’ he says. ‘Men can get away with three or four times a week and have even better results.’”

In no way was Greene trying to make viewers feel bad; he was trying to highlight how difficult it is to lose weight. However, I found the use of the word “perfect” to be jarring. Often, women torture themselves in an attempt to reach some notion of “perfect,” believing “I’ll be happy when I have… the perfect family, the perfect job, the perfect body, etc.

Later in the program, Greene himself commented on the danger of “I’ll be happy when…” thinking:

“If you start to [think], ‘Oh, I’ll be happy when I’m this weight,’ that’s when problems start because one of two outcomes: You never reach that weight and you’re not happy, or you reach that weight and realize it had nothing to do with your happiness.”

While I’m glad that he saw fit to mention that weight loss is not a cure for unhappiness (happiness must come from inside), I think that the message of the show was most certainly, “Lose weight, gain happy.” And to do so, as a woman,you must be “perfect,” never letting up on diet and exercise. Therefore, if you aren’t able to achieve your “perfect” weight, then it’s probably because you weren’t “perfect” enough to begin with. That’s a crushing pressure to bear.

‘Tis the party season, and sure, the dress, the hair style, and the makeup are all important; however, the best way to stand out in a crowd and to own the room is to make an entrance. I love these suggestions from the October 2007 issue of More magazine, from the article “Things You Should Know By Now: How To Make An Entrance:”

“Slowly!” says Stephanie Braxton, who played Tara on All My Children. “Lag behind in the receiving line, in the elevator, wherever,” and walk in alone. “It’s an old theater trick. On stage you always isolate the figure you want people to focus on.” Silently acknowledge everyone around you. “This makes them your ‘audience,’ even if you’re just entering a conversation. It’s also calming.” Now focus on staying in the spotlight. If there’s a photographer, move into the middle of a group of men, advises Dallas philanthropist Heidi Dillon ( “You’ll look like the belle of the ball”), and to the far right in groups of women (your name will be first in the caption).

The death of Donda West, mother of hip-hop artist Kanye West, has generated a lot of media discussion about the risks and dangers of plastic surgery. There have always been risks associated with plastic surgery, yet you wouldn’t know that from the way plastic surgery is depicted on television. There seems to be an endless variety reality TV shows such featuring plastic surgery: Dr. 90210, Plastic Surgery New York Style, Ultimate Plastic Surgery Before & After, Plastic Surgery Beverly Hills, and Big Medicine. Not being a great fan of the genre, I can’t say for certain, but I would assume that these shows don’t feature a lot of stories where patients die after procedures.

These shows have a powerful effect: a study conducted by the American Society of Plastic Surgeons revealed that “first-time patients seeking cosmetic plastic surgery are directly influenced to have surgery by the plastic surgery reality television shows they watch.” (Click here for details.)

And so it seems, from the number of shows featuring plastic surgery, that everyone is doing it. However, Washington Post writer Robin Givhan has observed an interesting undercurrent in the media coverage of Mrs. West’s death: “the underlying message became that indulging in plastic surgery is inherently selfish and narcissistic,” that people seeking cosmetic surgery are “courting tragedy” and looking for “easy answers.”

Below is an excerpt from her article, “Plastic Surgery’s Allure Cuts Both Ways.” I think that she makes a compelling argument about the messages we receive.

“There’s no way to know what was going through West’s mind. But her death makes one marvel at the way in which popular culture pushes, pushes, pushes people toward an ideal. And then tut-tuts when they take the bait.

No matter that the most conscientious surgeons emphasize that cosmetic surgery cannot transform a patient’s life, the promise remains. With a snip and a tug, faces can be made younger and more attractive. The patients believe they will not only look better but also feel better, which will lead to greater confidence, which will strengthen their cultural currency.

Audiences like nothing more than a beauty makeover. The ugly duckling turns into a swan. Cinderella got a fairy godmother of a stylist and won the heart of the prince. It was beauty that charmed the beast — not the young woman with the scintillating personality.

But beauty makes folks envious. They want to be assured that others work hard to maintain their appearance (even if they’re looking for the easiest ways to maintain their own). Consider the notion of aging gracefully. What does that mean, really? Folks are demanding that the enduring beauty of matrons and dowagers be earned. They want them to maintain a six-day-a-week workout schedule that includes walking on a treadmill to nowhere and a life that is devoid of meat, dairy, alcohol, sunshine, sugar and anything else remotely pleasurable. Is that natural? Is that grace?

There are virtually no women who have the genetic good fortune to arrive at age 60 looking like a Catherine Deneuve, Sophia Loren or Diahann Carroll without a surgeon’s expertise. Most people in the public sphere do something, Botox to boot camp, to fend off the effects of time. They are encouraged and expected to take action. If they don’t, they will be judged harshly. But they must take care not to let the effort show — don’t reveal any hairline scars or improbable perkiness. Otherwise, our judgment will be even harsher.”

Simpsons fans know that Homer often faces issues related to weight and body image, but this week’s episode (11/18/2007), “Husbands and Knives,” finds both Marge and Homer feeling bad about their bodies.

Marge feels insecure in comparison to a cardboard cutout of Wonder Woman (the equivalent of a comic supermodel), and worries that she has lost her “perfect 26/26/26 figure.”  When she tries to join the local gym “LA Body Works,” she finds herself wishing for a gym “for us regular ladies.”  She opens “Shapes,” with the rules, “No men, no cell phones, no mirrors, no shame.”  The women of Springfield line up down the block to join, and “Shapes” becomes a national success.

As Marge becomes a power broker, Homer becomes insecure about his appearance. Out of fear that Marge will trade him in for a trophy husband, Homer gets gastric bypass surgery.  He loses weight, but ends up with mounds of loose flesh.  He returns to the doctor, complaining that , because of the surgery, now he is embarrassed to show his body to his wife.  Homer’s solution: “Now I want you to give me every plastic surgery you have so I can look good.”  The freakish result is appealing to no one–the townsfolk brand him a “monster” and chase him with pitchforks.

Of course, the episode ends with Homer returning to his old look, and Marge loving him just the way he is.  Homer finds acceptance, but it seems as if Marge is still hitting the gym.

Even the Simpsons face the challenges of living the curvy life!

An interesting aside: the parallel storyline of the episode involved the comic book industry, and appropriately enough, the portrayal of the female body in comics continues to be a source of debate and controversy. (To read more about this, see the Wikipedia article, “Portrayal of Women in Comics.”)