Plus-size hierarchy, or Is there a big girl caste system?
The show More To Love (which clearly I am regularly watching) has me thinking about the notion of a plus-size hierarchy, or even a caste system. The show has touched on this before, but tonight, one of the women eliminated from the show, who appears to be on the lower end of plus size, made this comment:
I think I’m kind of prettier than some of the girls in the house. I wonder what Luke could possibly see in Mel B (one of the larger women in the house), this is, like, a total blow to my ego. I’ve never lost a guy to a girl bigger than me, or not as attractive.
[I have to interject here: now that I’ve uploaded their pictures, there doesn’t appear to be that great a size difference between them. Amanda is taller than Mel B, for sure. Just goes to show that the size difference doesn’t have to be that great.)
To me, this comment illustrates the plus size hierarchy, the Missy vs. Plus divide, having a 1 in front of your weight vs. a 2, and ultimately, regardless of how big, the ability to say: I may be big, but at least I’m not as big as her (pointing to the biggest girl in the room).
(And really, this is a sub-genre of the overarching hierarchy of size: can you shop in a boutique (0-10), traditional retail (add 12, 14), a few traditional retailers with extended sizes (16,18), or plus size.)
So you have women who are on the lower end of plus size (I had one commenter on this blog say: it’s OK for big women to show skin as long as there aren’t rolls), the one’s who hear: “You may be big, but you’re not fat….” , then those who are squarely plus size. And if you’ve ever crossed the divide–gaining, losing weight–you know what I mean. There will be a shift in the dynamic.
In the hierarchy game, a woman walks into a room, gauges her size against the sizes of all the other women, and places herself and the others, somewhere in the size hierarchy. So, the size 14, in a room of size 2s, feels like she is low in the hierarchy. Put her in a room of women in size 2s, she now is at the top tier. In the room with the size 2s, she feels bad. In the room with the 22s, she feels great. Lose the guy to the size 2– oh, well. Lose the guy to the size 22–ego blow, and ‘what’s wrong with him?’
This kills me–the lack of solidarity among women in issues of beauty and body image. Someone on Twitter tonight said, “Don’t you just wish all the girls would bond more and go out and pick up guys together?”
Yes!
Do we need to tear down our sister to feel better about ourselves?
No!
Would love to hear your take on the plus-size hierarchy.
10 comments
Had to comment on this, though totally off topic:
Amanda, in pink, looks a lot like my Curvy Life avatar. I need to find that dress!
I agree, sisters shouldn’t be tearing others down to build themselves up. Tonight’s installment was not the first in which we have seen such behavior.
I liked Lauren until she flat out insulted the two oldest ladies in the mix and, in a way, influenced Luke’s ring decision last week. Assertive as she may be, she can be a rotten peach at times. As for Amanda this week, why did she have to say such a thing? She and Melissa are both beautiful women, size notwithstanding…and I’d say the same about all of those who participated.
By the way, to whomever said the girls “should bond more and go out and pick up guys together,” I cosign on that particular as well.
“Don’t you just wish all the girls would bond more and go out and pick up guys together?”
Men (well, at least this man) have a hard time approaching packs of women, be they thin, fat, or in between. You don’t want to scare us off, do you?
As for “More to Love”, I can’t believe that these very attractive fat women (sorry, as a fat guy I can use the word “fat”) in their twenties have never went on second dates, or even first dates in some cases. Is it that hard for fat women to get noticed by men?
You can’t deny that woman of all sizes will instinctivly see each other as sexual competitors. We are hard wired that way. Sometimes you feel prettier than some other girl and sometimes you don’t, regardless of size. Many times, for me it depends on where I am on my hormonal cycle.
Angela – More to Love wardrobe crew totally based that selection on your curvy girl!!
Totally agree with Yesenia that women of all sizes view other women as competition (though I don’t agree that this is entirely hard wired — really hammered into us by men and media is lots of subtle ways). I think it all goes back to Angela’s original assessment of these ladies — their issues are young, immature girl issues, not particularly size related.
I have a friend who is native Thai. She calls herself “fat” at five feet and maybe 110 pounds.
When I questioned this, she said “you don’t understand – Thailand is comprised of thin people, and very thing people, so I am considered fat here.
The whole body size/attractive comparison thing is new to her culture – one of the side effects of Thailand’s rush to become more “Westernized”.
Is there a plus sized hierarchy? Yes. of. course. does that make it right? No of course not.
Awhile back my husband and I went to a party, friend of a friend kind of thing. All the women there were plus sized shoppers. I have always been thick. No matter how much weight I lose I will never have a waifish figure. I wear a 36G for christ sakes. I am petite and have gone over the 200 mark before and am now a size 12 (except my bust size 18). I was the smallest woman there. I’ve been bigger, so I can understand their struggles. I did get the cold shoulder from one of the women and I really think it was because of my size.
I think it’s natural for women (AND MEN) to size up the competition (excuse the pun) when they enter a social environment, but not necessarily in the same way as Amanda.
What I always notice when I walk into a room are the women who seem to “own” the place. They carry themselves with confidence and seem to command attention. I have to also say that this is never related to size…some women just have “it” and some don’t . I don’t have “that,” so I make sure that I’m well read so that I can come up with something to say. LOL
The other thought I have about this topic is that I think it may be impacted by cultural standards. I’m black, and I have rarely gone into a room full of black people looking to see who is lower on the heirarchy than me due to my smaller size…quite the opposite! In the African-American community, being “thick” is overwhelmingly supported and acknowledged by men everywhere. Having an athletic shape or being more lean is not automatically considered more desirable, so I have never had the nerve to look at a larger woman with a great guy and ask, “What does he see in her?”
In terms of Amanda I don’t think it would matter who — she has a huge ego which is great to a point but it totally knocks out all her other fine qualities.
I find the cattiness that occurs amongst women happens regardless of size. You can have a room full of women of all the same size (small are plus) and they will inevitably turn on one of them especially over a guy.
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